Come Home

I'm still reading LOTR 1 and have finally finished reading Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller about a week or so ago. As of three days ago, I am embarking on an A.W. Tozer Journey Part 2 with That Incredible Christian. 


Sometimes, when I stumble across a song with great lyrics, I like to post it up here and highlight the bits I fell in love with. But the song below, I couldn't cut out any part. Each verse, pre-chorus, chorus and bridge just sank in my heart and echoed in my mind.







"So you've been running,
Searching for something,

But you're looking in a place you don't belong.
It's never too late,
You can't outrun grace.
No, mercy doesn't care what you've done.
So come home   oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

You can try to fix your broken empire,
And put bricks on a cracked foundation,
But you'd be building castles on the sand.
There's power in the blood of Jesus,
Your Father's screaming just COME HOME,
He's reaching out His hands."

So, enjoy this as much as I did and am at the moment. 
Come home to the Father.

Sculpted Sentences

"The Christian believes that in Christ he has died, yet he is more alive than before and he fully expects to live forever. He walks on earth while seated in heaven and though born on earth he finds that after his conversion he is not at home here. Like the night-hawk, which in the air is the essence of grace and beauty but on the ground is awkward and ugly, so the Christian appears at his best in the heavenly places but does not fit well into the ways of the very society into which he was born.

The Christian soon learns that if he would be victorious as a son of heaven among men on earth he must not follow the common pattern of mankind, but rather the contrary. That he may be safe he puts himself in jeopardy; he loses his life to save it and is in danger of losing it if he attempts to preserve it. He goes down to get up. If he refuses to go down he is already down, but when he starts down he is on his way up.


He is strongest when he is weakest and weakest when he is strong. Though poor he has the power to make others rich, but when he becomes rich his ability to enrich others vanishes. He has most after he has given most away and has least when he possesses most.

He may be and often is highest when he feels lowest and most sinless when he is most conscious of sin. He is wisest when he knows that he knows not and knows least when he has acquired the greatest amount of knowledge. He sometimes does most by doing nothing and goes furthest when standing still. In heaviness he manages to rejoice and keeps his heart glad even in sorrow."


(A.W. Tozer; That Incredible Christian)

Journey Begins.

I have undertaken the massive challenge of reading J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring and admittedly, after three separate readings at a necessarily-slow pace, I have just finished the prologue which tells the back-story of Hobbits and Bilbo being in possession of the ring. It almost feels like a milestone reaching Chapter 1 and having this page in front of me definitely sparked some excitement of being led on a journey by Tolkien. 

On a sidenote, I watched Clue (1985) today and it was a great movie! It's a film featuring Tim Curry, the most popular actor I know in the cast, based on the crime/mystery board-game 'Cluedo', by the Parker Brothers. I really did not expect it to be so hilarious and well scripted. Absolutely loved the humour attached with the movie and will probably be on the look out for it when I'm next in JB Hi-Fi to buy a copy of it.

Salinger's Catcher

The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger

The Catcher in the Rye was quite an enjoyable read. For all who are fearful of extremely long reads, this one is quite a short one and is packed full with reasons why it is a classic. I know this was a Year 11 high school text in the English syllabus but I never did mainstream English so, here I am ticking a must-read off my list.


Much like Franklin's My Brilliant Career, I absolutely hated the narrator of TCR, Holden Caulfield. The consistently pre-assumed judgements he makes on people are ridiculously irritating despite how it makes reading the book so much quicker. After reading several analyses on this novel, I've concluded that Salinger's attempt at dealing with youth relations and issues are quite exaggerated and dramatic. That being said, a normal teenager's life would probably be too mundane to base a novel on. 


Salinger's use of stream of consciousness is extremely effective in this novel. As the novel is written in first person, it is debatable as to how reliable Caulfield is as a narrator. His biased perspectives on people and self-proclaimed 'better person' makes it difficult for me to sympathise with him being kicked out of Pencey. He claims others are such phonies, and that he but in saying so, reflects the exact image upon himself. Using this narrative technique is extremely clever of Salinger in highlighting the flaws and issues Caulfield is struggling with as he deals with aging and the events in his life. 


Despite how much I disliked Caulfield however, I did thoroughly enjoy the novel as a whole. It  was engaging and the plot developed in a slow and steady manner, just how I like it. Sometimes I feel a clear climax is too unrealistic, which is why I suppose I am drawn towards longer reads or slower-paced novels. But that is just sometimes. 


There's a part in the novel I thoroughly enjoyed reading and I thought I would share it with you readers. Allie is Holden's brother and he is someone I feel who brings Holden back to his senses a little even though he has passed away. 


"When the weather's nice, my parents go out quite frequently and stick a bunch of flowers on old Allie's grave. I went with them a couple of times, but I cut it out. In the first place, I certainly don't enjoy seeing him in that crazy cemetery. Surrounded by dead guys and tombstones and all. It wasn't too bad when the sun was out, but twice- twice- we were there when it started to rain. It was awful. It rained on his lousy tombstone, and it rained on the grass on his stomach. It rained all over the place. All the visitors that were visiting the cemetery started running like hell over to their cars. That's what nearly drove me crazy. All the visitors could get in their cars and turn on the radios and all and then go someplace nice for dinner- everybody except Allie."


Caulfield talks a fair bit about what drives him crazy throughout the novel, but when I read that, I felt his anger and the significance of his frustration. And after that, I didn't put down the novel until I got to the end.

Alignment Transformation

I'm really no good at basing a life-experience on a specific verse. One of my personal goals is to successfully memorise Matthew 11:28-30 (Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." and at the moment, I have not gone past "Take my yoke upon you" because I end up muddling all the adjectives up. Nonetheless, having v.28 in my head is encouraging enough that I find out the rest of it. So, I do encourage memorising Scriptures.


In the last few hours I have been home, I will not lie, I have experienced immense joy. As siblings usually do, my brother and I often fight and argue over petty issues. I would say something that would hurt him, and he would do the same. But something I've realised today, is I have spent more time with my brother in these two weeks, than in the months before since the year began. Not only have we spent more time together, but also, we've been talking more and mind you, my brother is 11 years old with the attention span of a peanut. I won't claim we didn't fight, but there is a sense of joy and peace at home, and bitterness has definitely left my heart. I've found in me a secret compartment of patience and understanding to give to my brother, something I may not have had before.


I've tried to narrow down what it is that has resulted in this change and I've realised, it's none other than God Himself. That really has been the only change in my life since. I won't call it a rejuvenation of faith because I have always believed and never lost faith in the loving nature and deity of Christ, but it definitely was a re-alignment of the steering wheel in my life. I dropped am dropping the bad habits as I go, still learning and still growing, but I thank God that He has revealed to me the problems in me which I need to fix. And instead of trying to fix myself on my own, I'm submitting it to God and drawing near to Him for His help. And as I drew near to God, sure enough, He drew near to me in my life and every issue and concern I had fell into place in His hands (James 4:7-8). Every problem I worried about, I prayed and committed it to the Lord and there's peace. Just satisfying peace. (Matthew 6:32-34)


I'm not saying I have it altogether, that I've got the Golden Ticket to living the perfect life on Earth. I'll probably have another low moment eventually, but while I'm inspired and ever so grateful for the amazing grace of God, I simply want to encourage you who are reading this that I am experiencing the transformation of God, being moulded into His image. It will be tough but it will be for the better. 


I have a t-shirt which says "Be patient with me, for God is still working on me." Never have I understood that statement more, or rather the weight of that. I ashamedly admit that I may not have let God work on me all the time. Maybe I should wear it out more. 


Praise God for wonderful friends and family who have the patience of God in them to deal with me.

The Dalloway

Mrs Dalloway - Virginia Woolf

This one's a classic. When I first mustered up enough courage to start buying books off Book Depository, I spent a good amount of time looking at Top 100 lists, books we must read before we die and all that jazz. Woolf's novel made it to at least 80% of the sheer amount of lists I looked at. So I decided I would get around to reading it and I did! (pat on the back for myself)


The novel follows the progression of a day in the eyes of two characters, Clarissa Dalloway and Peter Walsh. It really is quite ingenious the way the novel's been written in terms of its narration. The 'stream of consciousness' technique is frustrating to read but at the same time, so personal it's quite frightening. As a reader, often we take things for granted and simply understand the perspective of the narrator and accredit it for what he/she is worth. However, sometimes narrators aren't always as nice as we perceive them to be (I am reading The Catcher in the Rye at the moment, and I assure you, Holden Caulfield is a terrible narrator). 


What I really do enjoy reading in this text is the discovery of both narrators from each other. Peter reveals something about Clarissa from long ago and likewise. It's so biased, but yet, so honest. You just really don't know who to believe- does Clarissa really have issues? Can she not hold parties simply because she likes it? Must there always be an insecurity interpreted through her actions? It's really quite mind-provoking. 


From the get-go, I was so curious to know who Clarissa's husband was, and to find that he was a 'safe' man to marry, it was quite disappointing. But that's how it always is, isn't it? She picks the 'safe' choice over the man she should have married. I entitled my little review as 'The Dalloway' because Clarissa in the end, adopted his name and married him- and it ultimately is a choice she made, regardless of her feeling that she lacked the choice. Oh, the irony!


For a short book of less than 150 pages, I did however find it a bit tiresome to read somewhere in the middle but one must persevere and it was totally worth it. In page 42 of my edition, I stumbled upon one of the most satisfying passages I'll ever read. It's the words used and the rising-and-falling of the phrases which really leave me just in awe, comprehending what I've just read.


"Nothing exists outside us except a state of mind, he thinks; a desire for solace, for relief, for something outside these miserable pigmies, these feeble, these ugly, these craven men and women. But if he can conceive of her, then in some sort she exists, he thinks, and advancing down the path with his eyes upon sky and branches he rapidly endows them with womanhood; sees with amazement how grave they become; how majestically, as breeze stirs them, they dispense with a dark flutter of the leaves charity, comprehension, absolution, and then, flinging themselves suddenly aloft, confound the piety of their aspect with a wild carouse." (p.41)


Mind-blown.


[On a sidenote, I received two Hemingway and Dostoevsky novels in the mail today! I'm excited!]

Bus Girl

I've always liked children and seeing them often brings joy. There's just something about their simplicity and innocence which really makes me smile and today, on the bus, a little girl did just that.


I only had a glimpse of her as she walked past me but she definitely left an impression. She had jet-black eyes, pupils as large as the moon. Her dark skin of her Indian descent brought out those big eyes even more. She had little, but distinct curly black hair tied into a ponytail of whatever there is and her little hand held onto her older brother's as he took her onto the bus. 


She had a baby pink jacket on with matching shoes and a bright pink (I shan't use hot pink to describe a child) dress to go with her little backpack which would really fit my wallet and nothing else. And as I pondered for that long split-second, I just prayed that she would retain that innocence as she grows older. That this world will not corrupt her past the point of no return. That years later, she will still hold on to her big brother's hand and find comfort in him. Don't let anyone take that simplicity away from you. The world may try to throw complications and anger at you, but remember that you were once simple in the past, so you then, can be simple too.

Giving Challenge

"True prosperity is living and giving at the level to which God has called you with all your needs met by His supply." 


Challenged to give abundantly.

Memory Recovery

For approximately four months, I've been trying to remember this one word I learnt last semester in Literature. Dear fellow readers, I can now tell you what that word is, and pray I'll never forget it.

A 'circadian' novel: novel of which the plot takes place in a strict time-frame of 24 hours.

Book Issue

To keep you up to date with the books that are going through my life right now, I finished More Than A Carpenter by Josh and Sean McDowell about a week ago and The Monkey Mask by Dorothy Porter yesterday. Having insufficient time, I am still going through Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf but I promise I will finish it soon; I'm a third way there. I started reading A.W.Tozer's The Pursuit of God two days ago and am already inspired by it as I finished the first chapter yesterday morning. 


To take advantage of BookDep's last few days of an extra 10% off, I got my hands on five more books (it's a problem, I know):
- A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
- The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky 
- For Whom The Bells Toll by Ernest Hemingway
- The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
- The Best Short Stories of Edgar Allan Poe 


I think when I finish Tozer's book, I'll start reading Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller and I'll launch into The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger after Woolf. 


Mid-year readings will include:
- Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
- The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R Tolkien 
- Ulysses by James Joyce

Juan's Diary

Diary of a Bad Year - J.M. Coetzee

Out of all the books I've read so far this semester, I think Coetzee's really hits the spot for me. When you first pick up the book and flick through it, you'll immediately realise that the structure of the book is quite different as most pages are split into two or three parts. Coetzee's clever but foreign use of two (and later on, three) simultaneous narratives is initially difficult to read but in my opinion, reflects identically the reality of life, which then makes it worth the difficulty. The reality is, everyone's interpreting the events in their lives through their own perspectives without knowing the thoughts of others unless consulted, and Coetzee's technique really accentuates this.

The novel is split into two sections, Strong Opinions and Second Diary. Strong Opinions are a collection of thoughts which the main character, J.C. or Juan, an aging intellect of great credentials, has written to be sent to a German editor for publication. The Second Diary however, are simply "soft opinions" in the words of the female protagonist, a Filipina woman named Anya. The latter part of the book are essentially thoughts which didn't make it into the publication. What is interesting through this structure is we see Juan develop through the three different narratives within the two sections; firstly, through his gradually altered undertones in his 'official' submissions for publishing (which leads him to write his 'Second Diary'), his own personal reflections on how he views himself and also how he views others, and Anya's understanding of their interactions.

There is no real 'strategy' to reading this novel despite its complicated structure. Personally, I read each narrative on each page at a time until the sentence was completed, which sometimes meant having to go over the page. Then, I would go back and read the second narrative and so on. However, other times, I would be so engaged in what is written that I'd stick to the narrative until the end of the 'opinion'. If there's a humble advice I could give to any interested readers, don't be bogged down by the unfamiliarity, don't go by a strict rule, just go with it.

The 'opinion' I personally enjoyed the most would have to be 'On the Afterlife', the only opinion which did not have two or three narratives, but simply Juan's submission. It is also the last opinion in the first section of the book, which I feel ties 'Strong Opinions' and 'Second Diary' together neatly. It is the most human writing of it all, as Juan poses all these questions which he cannot answer to himself- questions about life and death. 

"Will those who loved many enjoy a richer afterlife than those who loved few; or will our loved ones be defined as those we loved on our last day on earth, and them alone? In the latter case, will those of us who spent our last day in pain and terror and loneliness without the luxury of loving or being loved faced eternal solitude?" (p.153)

What beautifully crafted sentences; so dense but yet, so raw. And that, I feel is the satisfaction of reading this novel- that readers are privileged to see a cold, unemotional old man reveal his humanity by the end of the novel; fearing and having doubts over his life, like you and I.


For me, dear reader, I once feared the same things as J.C. but now fear no more. For I know, that when I pass this world, eternity has just begun and each day will be better than the past.

Teeth Smiling

"We aren't fobs"
"Bro-core-lee"
"Go back to Vietnam!"


Quotes taken absolutely out of context and I assure you are in no way actually insulting. 
That's why I love her :]


#sistersinChrist

Soothing Words

"Evil will seek to steal, kill, and destroy, and we will suffer the affliction of evil in the world, but we have God's promise that every circumstance will become His means of accomplishing the good He has foreordained for each of us. When the darkness closes in around us, and evil appears to gain the upper hand, trust in the sovereignty and power and goodness of God is vital to maintaining hope."


Trust in God's providence.

Contagious Happiness

Makes me smile to see her smile.


Thank you Lord for giving her joy.

Multi-tasking Stress

Dear Right-Brain,


I know you'd rather attach yourself to Ultimate-Guitar.com or WorshipTogether and jam to some awesome hits but unfortunately, I'll need you to work double-time on this because your buddy, Left-Brain is dying away after lack of use since Year 12. 

Most apologetically,

Your owner.

Dreams Written II

He was adopted as a child into our family of two, immediately becoming the precious one in our lives. He was a blondie with beautiful grey eyes and a smile that melted my heart over and over again. A scene changes and we are in a nature park where one can take residence for several days- it is a camp of some sort. He is about four or five and is having fun exploring with a friend. (All these faces are foreign to the dreamer but there is familiarity within the characters themselves.) A friend's child is at my foot and I play with her for awhile. Approximately 30-40 minutes go by and I decide it time to go inside and call out for him to come back but there is no reply. I wonder where he has wandered off to and anxiously calls out even louder. Again, no reply. I naturally panic. My heartbeat is racing at a hundred miles per hour and I am moving at the speed of light, or at least it feels so. (I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the child, apologies.) I call out his name and tears are trickling gushing down my face as I flap my arms around like a wild chicken as though to give me more speed to look for him. I am repetitively praying, "God, please let me find him, please, please..." But what felt like three hours of searching injected a feeling which sank in my heart and I fall to the ground- I've lost him. I pleaded with God for another chance, it was by grace that he was brought into my arms as a babe and maybe this once, I felt, by grace, he could be in my arms again. Suddenly a friend's child of older age runs towards me and points in a direction with a look on his face. The fear I have in my mind, heart and soul mutes all sounds but I run in that direction. And at the end of the little dusty assumption of a road is him looking exhausted but as though he had been crying too. I quickly cradle him and a million questions run through my head but only one is audible: "What happened?" you play wit her, uncle X tell me she is your real family, i am not real. My heart broke from part anger part sadness- that I had to subject my child to such pain of rejection but also that someone had manipulated my child to feel that he was not good enough. I reassured him as he was in my arms and a small smile crept to his face.


(I woke up feeling relieved, as though a few seconds ago my heart had just been stabbed and was healed again. I as the dreamer was omnipresent at certain stages of this dream therefore knew beforehand that someone had spoken to the child about the lack of belonging to the family but the chase was fully first-person. Note however that in this dream, I was not the main character. All the characters were foreign to me and even more blurred a vision since I have woken up. The visuals have fade but it has been thirty minutes since I woke and the emotions and thoughts are still vivid in my heart.)

Revelations Revealed

After a read of a friend's blog, I've decided that I do belong to the 1920/30/40s of the world. Just the culture of society really intrigues me and that regardless of how I am turning 20 this year, I am still at heart, a very old oldie. But I shall leave it at that because I don't want to spill the unimportant details of my life over this blog. Lesson learnt. Old blog deleted.


&;


The 'X' Chapter of the Great Story


It really was bright. I really wasn't going to miss it. I stared in awe at the beauty of the New Kingdom just as it was written, "It shone with the glory of God". Nothing else could compare in light and in purity. My feet were frozen for that split second but the beauty of it all melted the ice into the puddles I splashed through as I took that step forward. 


I finally got to the popular city walls of twelve different precious stones (which I unfortunately cannot list out for you) and it is beyond sparkly. I run my fingers along the textures of the wall and am amazed at how different all the colours and textures of the stones are but how they present themselves as one wall. I am pacing around this wall when suddenly stood before me, the pearly gates of heaven. All that everyone of the Old Earth has spoken of is here before me, just no clouds. I enter knowing it will be amazing, but what stood before me and my undeserving pair of eyes, was beyond my wildest imagination.


This is Home.

Challenge Accepted

The great thing about buying things online is that they don't come all together and what happens is you end up with a series of joyful days with surprise gifts! It's like your birthday for five days in a row!


Two packages came in today- one from Koorong and one from Book Depository, both purchased with discounts (self-satisfied). 'Invisible Man' was SURPRISINGLY THICK which definitely took me by surprise, but considering the number of people in this internet-sphere who have said it was amazing, I shall challenge myself to read this along with LOTR I and the many other books I have. I shall aim to have 3 non-Christian novels read and 3 Christian books read. Challenge accepted.

I've already started listening to this because I unpacked it and chucked it into the car almost immediately on the way to uni today. Loving the EP look of the album but also, just the roadtrip feel NeedtoBreathe gives through their music. Maybe I'll even do an album review soon!

Catching the bus home always gives me time to think. Will share on today's thoughts sometime this week. 

God Given

Decided to rely on God's love to love others last night-
Stepped out of my comfort zone of DnMs and focused on small talks with new friends.
Result: God rewarded me with a nice brief effortless conversation about church.


It's way more rewarding when I don't have a say or try.

Agape Love

Agape is God’s supernatural, unconditional love for you revealed supremely through our Lord’s death on the cross for our sins. It is the supernatural love He wants to produce in you and through you to others, by His Holy Spirit. Agape love is given because of the character of the person loving rather than because of the worthiness of the object of that love. Sometimes it is love “in spite of” rather than “because of.”


- Bill Bright (Transferable Concepts 8)

Old Annie

Relos are over from Malaysia and it's great having a bit of laughter and extra-loud voices in the house. Makes writing an essay difficult but it's okay, I'd rather this than that anyway.


Something totally unrelated, I'm probably watching Annie the Musical (alone if I must) and purchased the DVD from JB Hi-Fi this arvo for $6! Just finished watching it and I just remembered how good it was! It's my first time watching the original and even though I watched the remake a very long time ago, the smile on Aileen Quinn's face just lights up the world and makes it inevitable to smile along with her!


I also totally forgot how amazing the lyrics to the songs were in the musical! Even the hit soundtrack, "Tomorrow" is such an encouragement and almost drives me to deal with each day. I have a feeling it's going to be my anthem for the coming days prior to exams/assignments. I realised too that "Tomorrow" really overcasts all the other great pieces in the musical, like "Maybe" and "I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here". 


I like old movies. It's simpler, less plot development which is not a bad thing. But it's conclusive. And sometimes, simplicity is all we need to have that satisfaction fulfilled. Ann Reiking as Grace Farrell is AMAZING. Beautiful voice and graceful dancing- I don't mean to be a pain of a 21st century culture, but why can't actors and actresses today tap-dance and sing along. Multi-tasking at its best.


p.s. Watched The Avengers. Will probably watch it again.

Pause Day

Yay for packages!


Some things came in the mail yesterday but I was too tired to check so MD left them in my room this morning.

I am rather intimidated by the thickness of this. I knew it would be thick but that's just a whole new level of thickness. I could probably kill someone with it. But that's okay, I can make use of my 6-week mid-year break and hopefully come out victorious. 


Challenge Accepted.

I shared with a friend of how excited I get when I rip CDs into my iTunes. It is really a thrill to see my CD collection slowly grow. No regrets there. Loving the tunes at the moment! Of course there are songs in the album which are perhaps rather, 'eh' but it's okay, because it came with several others which I didn't expect to like but really did enjoy!


ANZAC Day to everyone means something different. A mid-week break is really quite a reward and have been using it to catch up on several things as you can see below.

Unfortunately, hanging out with friends today is rather impossible seeing I have ticked only half of "ATS2691 reading and oral presentation" and "Masterplan Qs"- I have done the readings but no questions nor preparation for the oral presentation as of now. Still yet to do a review on The First Stone by Helen Garner and Diary of a Bad Year by J.M. Coetzee but I definitely recommend Coetzee's for now!

Cross-bearing

The last post was rather depressing, I apologise. But that is life- it's full of joy and tears. 


It's funny.
I lost focus last week. My lens became hazy and blurry, my vision was vague.
I spun myself around trying to see things but while doing so, was so dizzy I couldn't see anything at all.


This morning I woke up and felt terrible. I wasn't sure why, but it ranks top #3 worst mornings of my life. And the fact that I didn't know why made it a million times worse. 


I looked at myself in the mirror today and did nothing but frightened myself. I'm not talking about vanity here, but about fear. I wasn't frightened at how unpolished and imperfect my face was, who cares. I was frightened at the sight I saw when I looked in the mirror. I was confused. The eyebags were a distraction but I saw past that and felt like nothing was reflecting back in that mirror. It was all emptiness.


7 hours pass. I find myself looking in a mirror again in the toilets in my university and I still see that empty face. I'm not trying to be artsy-fartsy or philosophical but that's the truth. I just saw blank. 


12 hours pass from the start and I feel worse. It feels like everything around me is crumbling and all I want to do is go on an indefinite hiatus like John Mayer, except with life. Hit pause, or maybe even eject. 


14 hours pass. A smile finally creeps in. I spend some time with God, which I have admittedly neglected over the week and sing worship songs in the shower. If now was not a good time to turn to God, I don't know when would be. 


16 hours have passed. I am ashamed that in this week, God needed to push me right down to the bottom to remind me that He's got it all together. I am disappointed that I struggled through so much on my own when God was telling me, "Get in, I'll drive." And guess what I read in my time with Him today-


"Then [Jesus] called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Mark 8:34-37)


So, here's me taking up my cross.
How's yours going?

Unknowingly Alone

Someone asked me today, "What would cheer you up?"
A. Someone to finish my assignments for me.


But frankly, I'm not sure. I don't know what would really make me smile right now.


I feel like I'm being tested in almost every way possible- to draw from His strength, His love, His plans and His calling. I can't cling to soandso any more. Unfortunately, people just move on.


For the first time in a very long while, I actually feel alone.


Thanks table-light for shining some light.

Audience Participation

My biological clock is failing me today. It is 0109 and I am not exactly as exhausted as I would be. But it has been a good day- I have learnt much and loved many.


As another week passes, another book review will come soon. I have two lined up which I am really quite excited to share with you. I have also ordered Passion 2012: White Flag, Every Falling Tear by Matt Hammitt and And If Our God is For Us by Chris Tomlin so perhaps an album review will be up soon too! My copy of NEEDTOBREATHE's The Outsiders came the other day and have been listening to it on loop. WORD Bookstore has a sale at the moment on all Music, which means NEEDTOBREATHE's The Reckoning and Matt Redman's 10000 Reasons would be on sale too. But, I shall be patient and wait it out for awhile longer.


In the book-shopping arena, I have challenged myself by buying Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. I am disallowing myself from buying the 2nd and 3rd until I have finished the 1st. Also in the same cart was Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison, Ulysses by James Joyce and Grimms' Fairy Tales by George Cruishank and the Grimm brothers. I am rather nervous in buying the GFT but I think as long as I read it in broad daylight, I should be okay. [I'm not trembling] 


So if you would like to find out how the album/novel is going- pop me a comment!


Meanwhile, here's a song that pulled me through the difficult night.

Burdened Lightly

Weak and wounded sinner,
Lost and left to die,
Raise your head,
For love is passing by.


&;


I cannot breathe, I cannot smile.
I cannot move for that short while.
My heart, it bears a burdened weight.
Squeezes tears from my eyes with hate.


I fall to the ground, helpless and weak,
Suddenly the world seems o' so bleak.
So bleak that anything could make me break.
Feeling so lost I wish it all to be fake.


But amidst my sorrows and my pain in life,
I know my God carries me through strife.
That though the storms are here to stay,
He shelters me with love in every way.


So thank You Lord for easing my mind,
That You've helped me see, though I am blind.
Thank You Lord for the strength to live,
That the one thing I need to do is believe.


- Elizabeth Loke (2012)

Strange Habits

There are a few things I do when I'm home alone for the short amount of time after I get home from uni and before my parents get home from doing whatever they are doing.


1. I close my curtains.
2. I rummage through the pantry.
3. I break out into song with my iTunes on full-blast.


Some of you people may not know, but I am absolutely in love with musicals, therefore, most of my little solo-jam-sessions are quite comical and ridiculous as I attempt to do six different parts of a song alone. What would my repertoire include, you ask?


A Rumour in St. Petersburg - Anastasia (6:45)


I Wanna Dance with Somebody - These Kids Wear Crowns (which is a surprising one, because it is not often I like covers of old music)


Currently, on the Christian list, I'm listening to White Flag - Chris Tomlin


And The Outsiders - NeedtoBreathe


Enjoy them as much as I do!

Colourful Prints

In my spare time, I e-window-shop on ASOS a fair bit. Upon deciding to be more productive, I wanted to share just a compilation of what I've been raving and going nuts over these few weeks:


This particular compilation is fully River Island, and fully colourful :)

I've always liked River Island's items on ASOS but these things here are just leaving me depressed that I'm not wealthy enough to obtain them all! Currently in love with prints of all sorts in all sorts of ways! Colours have always been my thing and I've always tried to put in a bit of colour into whatever I wear, but the 'River Island Tribal Embellished Vest' and 'Aztec Envelope Clutch' are definitely won me over. Do colours and patterns intrigue you too? 


I do believe however, that some patterns must be strayed away from- and also, patterns done terribly can come across as quite tacky which is the worst nightmare. Then, you have the extremes where some are simply ridiculously overpriced. That being said, several of them in this compilation are relatively affordable. I'm secretly waiting for them to be reduced which I know will give me a bigger satisfaction than buying things at full price. Bargains are the winners these days!


Easily satisfied.

Checking In

My body is tired but my mind is bright. After three days at Student Life's first camp of the year, I have to say I am rejuvenated but at the same time, exhausted. It has made me extremely excited for what God will bring in 2012.


I am performing at a charity event this Saturday for a friend and have been listening to Arithmetic by Brooke Fraser. She really is quite a lyrical genius, I must say. 


Enjoy!




Cos' if I add, if I subtract,
If I give it all, try to take some back,
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from fact,
That You are the sum,
So You are the one,
I want.

Old Friends

A Monday morning greets me with rain pitter-patting on my window. I'm almost certain my curtain is somewhat wet because I left my window open. A Student Life camp commences in a few hours and I am oh-so-excited for it! It's mind-blowing realising that it has been a year since the same camp last year and so much has changed. I have a new haircut, a new favourite band (although I don't precisely remember what I listened to this time last year, but my sleep-music is still the same) and a new favourite piece of clothing. A new favourite Bible verse and a new favourite novel. 


As I carelessly checked my FaceBook this morning, I was launched into a whirlpool of connections made back in primary school- approximately 8-10 years ago. Friendships made from Grade 4 to 6. I spent a good two hours just being on the page made especially for the graduates for my year catching up on where everyone is and really for many, who everyone was too. In my defence, my primary school had 9 classes of 40-odd students! 


Talks of reunions were made and sadly, I don't think I am able to make it. But this whole thing left me looking through old photos and reminiscing of old primary school days where we would sneakily play 'Big Two' and UNO when the teachers weren't looking because we were too scared of getting the cards confiscated; the days where I spent all my pocket money on books and pens at the bookshop because I wanted to draw in them and I simply needed new equipments, or the new die eraser would be helpful for the next test in helping me guess the multiple choice questions. 


I wonder if it is because I was a simpler person then, with lesser worries and lesser thoughts which is why I hold such fond memories of primary school in comparison to reality today. Probably. Eight years have shaped me into becoming someone totally different but absolutely identical to the the Grade 4 me. I am still hopeless at Math and Science, still think I am great at drawing but find out I am not when I put it all on paper, and still really like to talk. And these things really put a smile on my face. 


It is a good morning.
A very joyful morning.

Resurrection Day

Hello world.


Today is a good day. A wonderful one indeed. The sky is that little bit clearer (because I think so) and the sun is that little bit brighter (despite it being approximately 12-15deg this morning). It is the day the Lord my God rose from the dead and showed that He conquered death; that the grave could not contain Him. What man ultimately struggles with, or is defeated by, the God of this world, our Creator, He is not bound by those same limitations.


Which to me almost makes sense, because how can a potter be bound by the same restrictions as the clay he moulds? To realise that we worship a living God has got to be one of the greatest revelations of all in my life. Despite all the guilt, tears and anger I had in me throughout my life, this revelation brought love and above all else, peace. 'Having peace in the uncertainties' as Oswald Chambers said in his devotional book. Peace, that when I am struggling, God is walking me through this- that He already held out His hand for me to reach and is beaming with pride as I courageously (not so much in comparison to His strength, but nonetheless courage in His name) step out for Him. 


Often the question asked is "Why me? Why did the God of heaven and earth send His one and only Son to die a painful death, for me?" But to God, I like to think He never asked that question, but instead posed another- "Why not you?" God obviously saw something in me I couldn't see. He saw value in me even more I neglected Him and swept Him away into a box labelled "RESIDUAL TIME". And God sees just the same in you. Whether you want it or not.


Today we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Not reincarnation, but resurrection. He was no different post-death to pre-death. He was the same powerful God who chose to give His life for us because He knew there would have been no other way for us to be with God had He not suffered the penalty. Jesus wasn't a coward. He was love. Love filled abundantly with courage and strength that even when He died on that ugly cross, He still thought of us saying "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing." (Luke 23:34) Even when our sinful nature battered and bruised Him to the depths of His soul, He still pleads for mercy on our behalf. Where else do you find such love?


Jesus Christ is my God. Not the God, but my God. I have a relationship with Him and I sure hope you do because He surely didn't leave you out. And He proclaimed victory today over all the sufferings of mankind to bring hope to the world, that is us. 


When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there,
Who made an end of all my sins.


Because the sinless Saviour died,
My sinful soul is counted free,
For God the just is satisfied,
To look on Him and pardon me,
To look on Him and pardon me.


(Before the Throne of God Above)


&;


Let the songs I sing bring joy to You,
Let the words I say profess my love,
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune.
Father let my heart be after You.


(Garden; NeedtoBreathe)

Pathetically Incapacitated

I am sadly capped today. #firstworldpains


But I count my blessings because being capped in these few days feels extremely different to being capped three years ago or so. 


I can still surf the internet and check out things on ASOS- takes a few refreshes but it works.
I can still check out Book Depository for cheap books.
I can obviously blog.
I can upload a YouTube video- even though it took me approximately 45 minutes to do so; I like to think it dedication to my faithful subscribers. Thank you!


The only issue is not being able to view YouTube videos itself.


But I'm excited.

Indeed Good

Today is a day of reflection. A day of pain. 
No hot cross buns for me, just tears.


"... Christ Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:6-8)


I pray that all of us, upon hearing this story over and over again for the many years that have passed and are to come, will never be indifferent. For Jesus died on the cross, not for a generation, but for the world that was and the world that will be. 


"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)


If Good Friday never existed, there would be no Easter. Good Friday is the day Jesus bore the punishment for us, to love us despite how most of us did not yet know him, or even worse, rejected him. He paid the ransom for us, he gave his life for us. 


When someone has done so much for you, even before you knew him...
What are you to do now?

Mindless Mundanities

Times I spend on the bus result in several things.
Inspiration for my fictional stories but also, hypothetical situations. I don't mean hypothetical situations of tomorrow, but rather, bus rides let me wonder what would have happened if I chose certain things or refrained from others. 


When that seed is planted in my head, a mental projection of 10 to 15 years takes place where I think how my life would be if I made that particular decision. What would it be like if I decided to pursue Music instead of Arts as my first degree? Would I have been a musician singing/playing piano in the shades of jazz bars or concerts? What would it be like have I dated X? What would it be like if I was born to hate children? What would have happened then?


As much as I love reality, sometimes a bit of time out just gives me space to roam the other 'potential worlds'. It's almost like Abed in Community S3E4 'Remedial Chaos Theory' where he considers parallel worlds. Now, not entirely like that- but similar. Besides, you don't appreciate what's in front of you until it's gone. And for that minute or two, reality is somewhat gone and when I come back to it, I'm happy I made those decisions.


What a mindless post.

Absolute Failure

Exercised for 20 mins today.


That'll suffice.

Grossmith's Nobody

The Diary of a Nobody - George & Weedon Grossmith

The blurb at the back of the copy I have is correct in saying that the novel is a "source of delight" and George Grossmith was probably "unaware that he had produced a masterpiece". A very easy read of 168 pages, The Diary of a Nobody makes me smile every time I pick it up and flip through a page at a time.


The book is essentially as the title suggests, the entries of a diary belonging to a man called Charlie Pooter; no one famous, special, especially unique or different. If anything, he is what I imagine mediocrity and 'normality' to be. Pooter made me laugh with his silly puns and statements but what is great about the novel is just how relatable it all is; the settings, the characters, the events and the emotions. 


I could be artsy-fartsy and analyse the themes and the book being a microcosm of society's middle-class but that's perhaps a bit insane, so I'm going to be normal, and say I liked the book.


It being a Wordsworth copy also made me happy because it looked nice. 


Do I recommend it? Yes
Would I read it again? Probably
Out of Five? Four

Late Nights

Two great girls just left after chatting/checkingoutYouTubevideos/ravingaboutcrazythings for about 3-4 hours.


Thank you God for great friends. 


“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” - C.S. Lewis

Gleeful Smiles

So happy to see that Book Depository still keeps their cardboard boxes for packaging!

Max Schneider

Secret Friends

Must take a break from reading Sonja Van Wichelen's 'Religion, Politics and Gender in Indonesia' for uni studies. 


Still waiting for my massive 6-book-package from Book Dep to arrive even though it has only been approximately 7 days. One can still hope, yes?


[edit: content erased because I chose to let go]

Midnight Moment

 I feel like
I don't have enough time
Time is running out
The clock is never stops ticking and I hope I am using each minute wisely and to its full potential.


Was quite hesitant to hang out after a meeting tonight but because I don't drive, I have no say. I won't lie though, it was a lot of fun. I'm glad I was there. 


The assignment is completed. I don't know how over-achieving it will be, but it is done. 


It's 1:31am and I'm counting my blessings because a great friend reminded me to.

Seeking Devotion

When You stand,
The tall trees and mountains bow.
When You speak,
The fiercest of oceans is still.
And I see the sinner seek devotion,
The lost become chosen,
And I fall to my knees.


&;

Sleep Studying

I think that's me sleeping.


[edit:] I couldn't find my Pods this morning. I think I sleep-eat. Explains several things really.

Miles Franklin

I thought I ought to make use of the Oz-Lit subject I am currently undertaking this semester and review the many books I am going to read over the course of 8-9 weeks. 

My Brilliant Career - Miles Franklin
Firstly, I thought Miles Franklin was a man, just like how I thought Christos Tsiolkas was a woman. I really am terrible at guessing genders. 
[finished assignment 1]

I'm not going to lie, the cover of the book really bugged me. I couldn't understand why the cover looked so oriental to me but had a Caucasian girl looking confused in what looked like an Asian top to me. But the book did get to me. It was slow to begin but when my mind opened up to it and wasn't as cynical about it anymore, I could not put it down. I needed to know what happened to Sybylla Melvyn, the protagonist and I needed to know who this mysterious Harold Beecham was. I liked how each chapter was at most, five pages which made it easy for me to track my reading progress because I hate ending my readings in between chapters or pages. I finished it off with a final reading of approx. 4 hours. 

I must have missed the memo on Miles Franklin being a feminist and with that, the novel did not end conventionally as I wished. There was little resolution and again, embedded meanings within texts. Hence why it is in my Oz-Lit syllabus. That being said, despite the ending being different, I really do appreciate the skill invested into this text.


The character of Sybylla was frustrating but also captivating. Her naive and unconventional thoughts irritated me to the ends of the earth but her strong-headed personality in standing up for what she believed in proved courageous and enlightening to me. Again, I'm going to be honest in saying that I was so surprised by the significant growth of Sybylla as a character that I feel almost inspired to write a novel even though discovering this technique isn't exactly a pot of gold. Rather addictive, I feel.


Do I recommend it? Yes
Would I read it again? No
Out of Five? Three point Five