Alignment Transformation

I'm really no good at basing a life-experience on a specific verse. One of my personal goals is to successfully memorise Matthew 11:28-30 (Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." and at the moment, I have not gone past "Take my yoke upon you" because I end up muddling all the adjectives up. Nonetheless, having v.28 in my head is encouraging enough that I find out the rest of it. So, I do encourage memorising Scriptures.


In the last few hours I have been home, I will not lie, I have experienced immense joy. As siblings usually do, my brother and I often fight and argue over petty issues. I would say something that would hurt him, and he would do the same. But something I've realised today, is I have spent more time with my brother in these two weeks, than in the months before since the year began. Not only have we spent more time together, but also, we've been talking more and mind you, my brother is 11 years old with the attention span of a peanut. I won't claim we didn't fight, but there is a sense of joy and peace at home, and bitterness has definitely left my heart. I've found in me a secret compartment of patience and understanding to give to my brother, something I may not have had before.


I've tried to narrow down what it is that has resulted in this change and I've realised, it's none other than God Himself. That really has been the only change in my life since. I won't call it a rejuvenation of faith because I have always believed and never lost faith in the loving nature and deity of Christ, but it definitely was a re-alignment of the steering wheel in my life. I dropped am dropping the bad habits as I go, still learning and still growing, but I thank God that He has revealed to me the problems in me which I need to fix. And instead of trying to fix myself on my own, I'm submitting it to God and drawing near to Him for His help. And as I drew near to God, sure enough, He drew near to me in my life and every issue and concern I had fell into place in His hands (James 4:7-8). Every problem I worried about, I prayed and committed it to the Lord and there's peace. Just satisfying peace. (Matthew 6:32-34)


I'm not saying I have it altogether, that I've got the Golden Ticket to living the perfect life on Earth. I'll probably have another low moment eventually, but while I'm inspired and ever so grateful for the amazing grace of God, I simply want to encourage you who are reading this that I am experiencing the transformation of God, being moulded into His image. It will be tough but it will be for the better. 


I have a t-shirt which says "Be patient with me, for God is still working on me." Never have I understood that statement more, or rather the weight of that. I ashamedly admit that I may not have let God work on me all the time. Maybe I should wear it out more. 


Praise God for wonderful friends and family who have the patience of God in them to deal with me.

Bus Girl

I've always liked children and seeing them often brings joy. There's just something about their simplicity and innocence which really makes me smile and today, on the bus, a little girl did just that.


I only had a glimpse of her as she walked past me but she definitely left an impression. She had jet-black eyes, pupils as large as the moon. Her dark skin of her Indian descent brought out those big eyes even more. She had little, but distinct curly black hair tied into a ponytail of whatever there is and her little hand held onto her older brother's as he took her onto the bus. 


She had a baby pink jacket on with matching shoes and a bright pink (I shan't use hot pink to describe a child) dress to go with her little backpack which would really fit my wallet and nothing else. And as I pondered for that long split-second, I just prayed that she would retain that innocence as she grows older. That this world will not corrupt her past the point of no return. That years later, she will still hold on to her big brother's hand and find comfort in him. Don't let anyone take that simplicity away from you. The world may try to throw complications and anger at you, but remember that you were once simple in the past, so you then, can be simple too.

Giving Challenge

"True prosperity is living and giving at the level to which God has called you with all your needs met by His supply." 


Challenged to give abundantly.

Teeth Smiling

"We aren't fobs"
"Bro-core-lee"
"Go back to Vietnam!"


Quotes taken absolutely out of context and I assure you are in no way actually insulting. 
That's why I love her :]


#sistersinChrist

Soothing Words

"Evil will seek to steal, kill, and destroy, and we will suffer the affliction of evil in the world, but we have God's promise that every circumstance will become His means of accomplishing the good He has foreordained for each of us. When the darkness closes in around us, and evil appears to gain the upper hand, trust in the sovereignty and power and goodness of God is vital to maintaining hope."


Trust in God's providence.

Contagious Happiness

Makes me smile to see her smile.


Thank you Lord for giving her joy.

God Given

Decided to rely on God's love to love others last night-
Stepped out of my comfort zone of DnMs and focused on small talks with new friends.
Result: God rewarded me with a nice brief effortless conversation about church.


It's way more rewarding when I don't have a say or try.

Agape Love

Agape is God’s supernatural, unconditional love for you revealed supremely through our Lord’s death on the cross for our sins. It is the supernatural love He wants to produce in you and through you to others, by His Holy Spirit. Agape love is given because of the character of the person loving rather than because of the worthiness of the object of that love. Sometimes it is love “in spite of” rather than “because of.”


- Bill Bright (Transferable Concepts 8)

Cross-bearing

The last post was rather depressing, I apologise. But that is life- it's full of joy and tears. 


It's funny.
I lost focus last week. My lens became hazy and blurry, my vision was vague.
I spun myself around trying to see things but while doing so, was so dizzy I couldn't see anything at all.


This morning I woke up and felt terrible. I wasn't sure why, but it ranks top #3 worst mornings of my life. And the fact that I didn't know why made it a million times worse. 


I looked at myself in the mirror today and did nothing but frightened myself. I'm not talking about vanity here, but about fear. I wasn't frightened at how unpolished and imperfect my face was, who cares. I was frightened at the sight I saw when I looked in the mirror. I was confused. The eyebags were a distraction but I saw past that and felt like nothing was reflecting back in that mirror. It was all emptiness.


7 hours pass. I find myself looking in a mirror again in the toilets in my university and I still see that empty face. I'm not trying to be artsy-fartsy or philosophical but that's the truth. I just saw blank. 


12 hours pass from the start and I feel worse. It feels like everything around me is crumbling and all I want to do is go on an indefinite hiatus like John Mayer, except with life. Hit pause, or maybe even eject. 


14 hours pass. A smile finally creeps in. I spend some time with God, which I have admittedly neglected over the week and sing worship songs in the shower. If now was not a good time to turn to God, I don't know when would be. 


16 hours have passed. I am ashamed that in this week, God needed to push me right down to the bottom to remind me that He's got it all together. I am disappointed that I struggled through so much on my own when God was telling me, "Get in, I'll drive." And guess what I read in my time with Him today-


"Then [Jesus] called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Mark 8:34-37)


So, here's me taking up my cross.
How's yours going?

Unknowingly Alone

Someone asked me today, "What would cheer you up?"
A. Someone to finish my assignments for me.


But frankly, I'm not sure. I don't know what would really make me smile right now.


I feel like I'm being tested in almost every way possible- to draw from His strength, His love, His plans and His calling. I can't cling to soandso any more. Unfortunately, people just move on.


For the first time in a very long while, I actually feel alone.


Thanks table-light for shining some light.

Old Friends

A Monday morning greets me with rain pitter-patting on my window. I'm almost certain my curtain is somewhat wet because I left my window open. A Student Life camp commences in a few hours and I am oh-so-excited for it! It's mind-blowing realising that it has been a year since the same camp last year and so much has changed. I have a new haircut, a new favourite band (although I don't precisely remember what I listened to this time last year, but my sleep-music is still the same) and a new favourite piece of clothing. A new favourite Bible verse and a new favourite novel. 


As I carelessly checked my FaceBook this morning, I was launched into a whirlpool of connections made back in primary school- approximately 8-10 years ago. Friendships made from Grade 4 to 6. I spent a good two hours just being on the page made especially for the graduates for my year catching up on where everyone is and really for many, who everyone was too. In my defence, my primary school had 9 classes of 40-odd students! 


Talks of reunions were made and sadly, I don't think I am able to make it. But this whole thing left me looking through old photos and reminiscing of old primary school days where we would sneakily play 'Big Two' and UNO when the teachers weren't looking because we were too scared of getting the cards confiscated; the days where I spent all my pocket money on books and pens at the bookshop because I wanted to draw in them and I simply needed new equipments, or the new die eraser would be helpful for the next test in helping me guess the multiple choice questions. 


I wonder if it is because I was a simpler person then, with lesser worries and lesser thoughts which is why I hold such fond memories of primary school in comparison to reality today. Probably. Eight years have shaped me into becoming someone totally different but absolutely identical to the the Grade 4 me. I am still hopeless at Math and Science, still think I am great at drawing but find out I am not when I put it all on paper, and still really like to talk. And these things really put a smile on my face. 


It is a good morning.
A very joyful morning.

Resurrection Day

Hello world.


Today is a good day. A wonderful one indeed. The sky is that little bit clearer (because I think so) and the sun is that little bit brighter (despite it being approximately 12-15deg this morning). It is the day the Lord my God rose from the dead and showed that He conquered death; that the grave could not contain Him. What man ultimately struggles with, or is defeated by, the God of this world, our Creator, He is not bound by those same limitations.


Which to me almost makes sense, because how can a potter be bound by the same restrictions as the clay he moulds? To realise that we worship a living God has got to be one of the greatest revelations of all in my life. Despite all the guilt, tears and anger I had in me throughout my life, this revelation brought love and above all else, peace. 'Having peace in the uncertainties' as Oswald Chambers said in his devotional book. Peace, that when I am struggling, God is walking me through this- that He already held out His hand for me to reach and is beaming with pride as I courageously (not so much in comparison to His strength, but nonetheless courage in His name) step out for Him. 


Often the question asked is "Why me? Why did the God of heaven and earth send His one and only Son to die a painful death, for me?" But to God, I like to think He never asked that question, but instead posed another- "Why not you?" God obviously saw something in me I couldn't see. He saw value in me even more I neglected Him and swept Him away into a box labelled "RESIDUAL TIME". And God sees just the same in you. Whether you want it or not.


Today we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Not reincarnation, but resurrection. He was no different post-death to pre-death. He was the same powerful God who chose to give His life for us because He knew there would have been no other way for us to be with God had He not suffered the penalty. Jesus wasn't a coward. He was love. Love filled abundantly with courage and strength that even when He died on that ugly cross, He still thought of us saying "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing." (Luke 23:34) Even when our sinful nature battered and bruised Him to the depths of His soul, He still pleads for mercy on our behalf. Where else do you find such love?


Jesus Christ is my God. Not the God, but my God. I have a relationship with Him and I sure hope you do because He surely didn't leave you out. And He proclaimed victory today over all the sufferings of mankind to bring hope to the world, that is us. 


When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there,
Who made an end of all my sins.


Because the sinless Saviour died,
My sinful soul is counted free,
For God the just is satisfied,
To look on Him and pardon me,
To look on Him and pardon me.


(Before the Throne of God Above)


&;


Let the songs I sing bring joy to You,
Let the words I say profess my love,
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune.
Father let my heart be after You.


(Garden; NeedtoBreathe)

Indeed Good

Today is a day of reflection. A day of pain. 
No hot cross buns for me, just tears.


"... Christ Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:6-8)


I pray that all of us, upon hearing this story over and over again for the many years that have passed and are to come, will never be indifferent. For Jesus died on the cross, not for a generation, but for the world that was and the world that will be. 


"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)


If Good Friday never existed, there would be no Easter. Good Friday is the day Jesus bore the punishment for us, to love us despite how most of us did not yet know him, or even worse, rejected him. He paid the ransom for us, he gave his life for us. 


When someone has done so much for you, even before you knew him...
What are you to do now?

Being Used

I felt like I was someone holding a light yesterday.

I don't like my Thursday classes. It's usually quite mundane and not much happens. There is little joy in the class, I think.

But this week's topic was 'Politics and Theology' and my attention was on the lecturer and nothing else. "Today's tute will be interesting," knowing the level of scepticism and 'atheistic' thoughts that would be unveiled.

I pray throughout class and conversations that take place hoping that if God permitted me to speak on His behalf, my representation would justify His glory. My brain runs at 200km/hr waiting for the right chance and finally a door is opened. I didn't say much and didn't leave many with their jaws dropped, but I have faith that the little that I said, God can stretch to the driest deserts and deepest seas. 

It was a joy and a privilege to be part of God's team.

Bright Eyes

I remember the time you drove all night,
Just to meet me in the morning.
And I thought it was strange,
You said everything changed,
You felt as if you just woke up.
And you said,
"This is the first day of my life,
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you.
But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you,
And I'd probably be happy."

&;

"Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction." 2 Timothy 4:2

Thank you Lord for friends I can encourage, friends that know I love them when I correct them, and friends who trust me enough to rebuke my ways out of love.