God Given

Decided to rely on God's love to love others last night-
Stepped out of my comfort zone of DnMs and focused on small talks with new friends.
Result: God rewarded me with a nice brief effortless conversation about church.


It's way more rewarding when I don't have a say or try.

Agape Love

Agape is God’s supernatural, unconditional love for you revealed supremely through our Lord’s death on the cross for our sins. It is the supernatural love He wants to produce in you and through you to others, by His Holy Spirit. Agape love is given because of the character of the person loving rather than because of the worthiness of the object of that love. Sometimes it is love “in spite of” rather than “because of.”


- Bill Bright (Transferable Concepts 8)

Old Annie

Relos are over from Malaysia and it's great having a bit of laughter and extra-loud voices in the house. Makes writing an essay difficult but it's okay, I'd rather this than that anyway.


Something totally unrelated, I'm probably watching Annie the Musical (alone if I must) and purchased the DVD from JB Hi-Fi this arvo for $6! Just finished watching it and I just remembered how good it was! It's my first time watching the original and even though I watched the remake a very long time ago, the smile on Aileen Quinn's face just lights up the world and makes it inevitable to smile along with her!


I also totally forgot how amazing the lyrics to the songs were in the musical! Even the hit soundtrack, "Tomorrow" is such an encouragement and almost drives me to deal with each day. I have a feeling it's going to be my anthem for the coming days prior to exams/assignments. I realised too that "Tomorrow" really overcasts all the other great pieces in the musical, like "Maybe" and "I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here". 


I like old movies. It's simpler, less plot development which is not a bad thing. But it's conclusive. And sometimes, simplicity is all we need to have that satisfaction fulfilled. Ann Reiking as Grace Farrell is AMAZING. Beautiful voice and graceful dancing- I don't mean to be a pain of a 21st century culture, but why can't actors and actresses today tap-dance and sing along. Multi-tasking at its best.


p.s. Watched The Avengers. Will probably watch it again.

Pause Day

Yay for packages!


Some things came in the mail yesterday but I was too tired to check so MD left them in my room this morning.

I am rather intimidated by the thickness of this. I knew it would be thick but that's just a whole new level of thickness. I could probably kill someone with it. But that's okay, I can make use of my 6-week mid-year break and hopefully come out victorious. 


Challenge Accepted.

I shared with a friend of how excited I get when I rip CDs into my iTunes. It is really a thrill to see my CD collection slowly grow. No regrets there. Loving the tunes at the moment! Of course there are songs in the album which are perhaps rather, 'eh' but it's okay, because it came with several others which I didn't expect to like but really did enjoy!


ANZAC Day to everyone means something different. A mid-week break is really quite a reward and have been using it to catch up on several things as you can see below.

Unfortunately, hanging out with friends today is rather impossible seeing I have ticked only half of "ATS2691 reading and oral presentation" and "Masterplan Qs"- I have done the readings but no questions nor preparation for the oral presentation as of now. Still yet to do a review on The First Stone by Helen Garner and Diary of a Bad Year by J.M. Coetzee but I definitely recommend Coetzee's for now!

Cross-bearing

The last post was rather depressing, I apologise. But that is life- it's full of joy and tears. 


It's funny.
I lost focus last week. My lens became hazy and blurry, my vision was vague.
I spun myself around trying to see things but while doing so, was so dizzy I couldn't see anything at all.


This morning I woke up and felt terrible. I wasn't sure why, but it ranks top #3 worst mornings of my life. And the fact that I didn't know why made it a million times worse. 


I looked at myself in the mirror today and did nothing but frightened myself. I'm not talking about vanity here, but about fear. I wasn't frightened at how unpolished and imperfect my face was, who cares. I was frightened at the sight I saw when I looked in the mirror. I was confused. The eyebags were a distraction but I saw past that and felt like nothing was reflecting back in that mirror. It was all emptiness.


7 hours pass. I find myself looking in a mirror again in the toilets in my university and I still see that empty face. I'm not trying to be artsy-fartsy or philosophical but that's the truth. I just saw blank. 


12 hours pass from the start and I feel worse. It feels like everything around me is crumbling and all I want to do is go on an indefinite hiatus like John Mayer, except with life. Hit pause, or maybe even eject. 


14 hours pass. A smile finally creeps in. I spend some time with God, which I have admittedly neglected over the week and sing worship songs in the shower. If now was not a good time to turn to God, I don't know when would be. 


16 hours have passed. I am ashamed that in this week, God needed to push me right down to the bottom to remind me that He's got it all together. I am disappointed that I struggled through so much on my own when God was telling me, "Get in, I'll drive." And guess what I read in my time with Him today-


"Then [Jesus] called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Mark 8:34-37)


So, here's me taking up my cross.
How's yours going?

Unknowingly Alone

Someone asked me today, "What would cheer you up?"
A. Someone to finish my assignments for me.


But frankly, I'm not sure. I don't know what would really make me smile right now.


I feel like I'm being tested in almost every way possible- to draw from His strength, His love, His plans and His calling. I can't cling to soandso any more. Unfortunately, people just move on.


For the first time in a very long while, I actually feel alone.


Thanks table-light for shining some light.

Audience Participation

My biological clock is failing me today. It is 0109 and I am not exactly as exhausted as I would be. But it has been a good day- I have learnt much and loved many.


As another week passes, another book review will come soon. I have two lined up which I am really quite excited to share with you. I have also ordered Passion 2012: White Flag, Every Falling Tear by Matt Hammitt and And If Our God is For Us by Chris Tomlin so perhaps an album review will be up soon too! My copy of NEEDTOBREATHE's The Outsiders came the other day and have been listening to it on loop. WORD Bookstore has a sale at the moment on all Music, which means NEEDTOBREATHE's The Reckoning and Matt Redman's 10000 Reasons would be on sale too. But, I shall be patient and wait it out for awhile longer.


In the book-shopping arena, I have challenged myself by buying Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. I am disallowing myself from buying the 2nd and 3rd until I have finished the 1st. Also in the same cart was Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison, Ulysses by James Joyce and Grimms' Fairy Tales by George Cruishank and the Grimm brothers. I am rather nervous in buying the GFT but I think as long as I read it in broad daylight, I should be okay. [I'm not trembling] 


So if you would like to find out how the album/novel is going- pop me a comment!


Meanwhile, here's a song that pulled me through the difficult night.

Burdened Lightly

Weak and wounded sinner,
Lost and left to die,
Raise your head,
For love is passing by.


&;


I cannot breathe, I cannot smile.
I cannot move for that short while.
My heart, it bears a burdened weight.
Squeezes tears from my eyes with hate.


I fall to the ground, helpless and weak,
Suddenly the world seems o' so bleak.
So bleak that anything could make me break.
Feeling so lost I wish it all to be fake.


But amidst my sorrows and my pain in life,
I know my God carries me through strife.
That though the storms are here to stay,
He shelters me with love in every way.


So thank You Lord for easing my mind,
That You've helped me see, though I am blind.
Thank You Lord for the strength to live,
That the one thing I need to do is believe.


- Elizabeth Loke (2012)

Strange Habits

There are a few things I do when I'm home alone for the short amount of time after I get home from uni and before my parents get home from doing whatever they are doing.


1. I close my curtains.
2. I rummage through the pantry.
3. I break out into song with my iTunes on full-blast.


Some of you people may not know, but I am absolutely in love with musicals, therefore, most of my little solo-jam-sessions are quite comical and ridiculous as I attempt to do six different parts of a song alone. What would my repertoire include, you ask?


A Rumour in St. Petersburg - Anastasia (6:45)


I Wanna Dance with Somebody - These Kids Wear Crowns (which is a surprising one, because it is not often I like covers of old music)


Currently, on the Christian list, I'm listening to White Flag - Chris Tomlin


And The Outsiders - NeedtoBreathe


Enjoy them as much as I do!

Colourful Prints

In my spare time, I e-window-shop on ASOS a fair bit. Upon deciding to be more productive, I wanted to share just a compilation of what I've been raving and going nuts over these few weeks:


This particular compilation is fully River Island, and fully colourful :)

I've always liked River Island's items on ASOS but these things here are just leaving me depressed that I'm not wealthy enough to obtain them all! Currently in love with prints of all sorts in all sorts of ways! Colours have always been my thing and I've always tried to put in a bit of colour into whatever I wear, but the 'River Island Tribal Embellished Vest' and 'Aztec Envelope Clutch' are definitely won me over. Do colours and patterns intrigue you too? 


I do believe however, that some patterns must be strayed away from- and also, patterns done terribly can come across as quite tacky which is the worst nightmare. Then, you have the extremes where some are simply ridiculously overpriced. That being said, several of them in this compilation are relatively affordable. I'm secretly waiting for them to be reduced which I know will give me a bigger satisfaction than buying things at full price. Bargains are the winners these days!


Easily satisfied.

Checking In

My body is tired but my mind is bright. After three days at Student Life's first camp of the year, I have to say I am rejuvenated but at the same time, exhausted. It has made me extremely excited for what God will bring in 2012.


I am performing at a charity event this Saturday for a friend and have been listening to Arithmetic by Brooke Fraser. She really is quite a lyrical genius, I must say. 


Enjoy!




Cos' if I add, if I subtract,
If I give it all, try to take some back,
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from fact,
That You are the sum,
So You are the one,
I want.

Old Friends

A Monday morning greets me with rain pitter-patting on my window. I'm almost certain my curtain is somewhat wet because I left my window open. A Student Life camp commences in a few hours and I am oh-so-excited for it! It's mind-blowing realising that it has been a year since the same camp last year and so much has changed. I have a new haircut, a new favourite band (although I don't precisely remember what I listened to this time last year, but my sleep-music is still the same) and a new favourite piece of clothing. A new favourite Bible verse and a new favourite novel. 


As I carelessly checked my FaceBook this morning, I was launched into a whirlpool of connections made back in primary school- approximately 8-10 years ago. Friendships made from Grade 4 to 6. I spent a good two hours just being on the page made especially for the graduates for my year catching up on where everyone is and really for many, who everyone was too. In my defence, my primary school had 9 classes of 40-odd students! 


Talks of reunions were made and sadly, I don't think I am able to make it. But this whole thing left me looking through old photos and reminiscing of old primary school days where we would sneakily play 'Big Two' and UNO when the teachers weren't looking because we were too scared of getting the cards confiscated; the days where I spent all my pocket money on books and pens at the bookshop because I wanted to draw in them and I simply needed new equipments, or the new die eraser would be helpful for the next test in helping me guess the multiple choice questions. 


I wonder if it is because I was a simpler person then, with lesser worries and lesser thoughts which is why I hold such fond memories of primary school in comparison to reality today. Probably. Eight years have shaped me into becoming someone totally different but absolutely identical to the the Grade 4 me. I am still hopeless at Math and Science, still think I am great at drawing but find out I am not when I put it all on paper, and still really like to talk. And these things really put a smile on my face. 


It is a good morning.
A very joyful morning.

Resurrection Day

Hello world.


Today is a good day. A wonderful one indeed. The sky is that little bit clearer (because I think so) and the sun is that little bit brighter (despite it being approximately 12-15deg this morning). It is the day the Lord my God rose from the dead and showed that He conquered death; that the grave could not contain Him. What man ultimately struggles with, or is defeated by, the God of this world, our Creator, He is not bound by those same limitations.


Which to me almost makes sense, because how can a potter be bound by the same restrictions as the clay he moulds? To realise that we worship a living God has got to be one of the greatest revelations of all in my life. Despite all the guilt, tears and anger I had in me throughout my life, this revelation brought love and above all else, peace. 'Having peace in the uncertainties' as Oswald Chambers said in his devotional book. Peace, that when I am struggling, God is walking me through this- that He already held out His hand for me to reach and is beaming with pride as I courageously (not so much in comparison to His strength, but nonetheless courage in His name) step out for Him. 


Often the question asked is "Why me? Why did the God of heaven and earth send His one and only Son to die a painful death, for me?" But to God, I like to think He never asked that question, but instead posed another- "Why not you?" God obviously saw something in me I couldn't see. He saw value in me even more I neglected Him and swept Him away into a box labelled "RESIDUAL TIME". And God sees just the same in you. Whether you want it or not.


Today we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Not reincarnation, but resurrection. He was no different post-death to pre-death. He was the same powerful God who chose to give His life for us because He knew there would have been no other way for us to be with God had He not suffered the penalty. Jesus wasn't a coward. He was love. Love filled abundantly with courage and strength that even when He died on that ugly cross, He still thought of us saying "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing." (Luke 23:34) Even when our sinful nature battered and bruised Him to the depths of His soul, He still pleads for mercy on our behalf. Where else do you find such love?


Jesus Christ is my God. Not the God, but my God. I have a relationship with Him and I sure hope you do because He surely didn't leave you out. And He proclaimed victory today over all the sufferings of mankind to bring hope to the world, that is us. 


When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there,
Who made an end of all my sins.


Because the sinless Saviour died,
My sinful soul is counted free,
For God the just is satisfied,
To look on Him and pardon me,
To look on Him and pardon me.


(Before the Throne of God Above)


&;


Let the songs I sing bring joy to You,
Let the words I say profess my love,
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune.
Father let my heart be after You.


(Garden; NeedtoBreathe)

Pathetically Incapacitated

I am sadly capped today. #firstworldpains


But I count my blessings because being capped in these few days feels extremely different to being capped three years ago or so. 


I can still surf the internet and check out things on ASOS- takes a few refreshes but it works.
I can still check out Book Depository for cheap books.
I can obviously blog.
I can upload a YouTube video- even though it took me approximately 45 minutes to do so; I like to think it dedication to my faithful subscribers. Thank you!


The only issue is not being able to view YouTube videos itself.


But I'm excited.

Indeed Good

Today is a day of reflection. A day of pain. 
No hot cross buns for me, just tears.


"... Christ Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:6-8)


I pray that all of us, upon hearing this story over and over again for the many years that have passed and are to come, will never be indifferent. For Jesus died on the cross, not for a generation, but for the world that was and the world that will be. 


"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)


If Good Friday never existed, there would be no Easter. Good Friday is the day Jesus bore the punishment for us, to love us despite how most of us did not yet know him, or even worse, rejected him. He paid the ransom for us, he gave his life for us. 


When someone has done so much for you, even before you knew him...
What are you to do now?

Mindless Mundanities

Times I spend on the bus result in several things.
Inspiration for my fictional stories but also, hypothetical situations. I don't mean hypothetical situations of tomorrow, but rather, bus rides let me wonder what would have happened if I chose certain things or refrained from others. 


When that seed is planted in my head, a mental projection of 10 to 15 years takes place where I think how my life would be if I made that particular decision. What would it be like if I decided to pursue Music instead of Arts as my first degree? Would I have been a musician singing/playing piano in the shades of jazz bars or concerts? What would it be like have I dated X? What would it be like if I was born to hate children? What would have happened then?


As much as I love reality, sometimes a bit of time out just gives me space to roam the other 'potential worlds'. It's almost like Abed in Community S3E4 'Remedial Chaos Theory' where he considers parallel worlds. Now, not entirely like that- but similar. Besides, you don't appreciate what's in front of you until it's gone. And for that minute or two, reality is somewhat gone and when I come back to it, I'm happy I made those decisions.


What a mindless post.

Absolute Failure

Exercised for 20 mins today.


That'll suffice.

Grossmith's Nobody

The Diary of a Nobody - George & Weedon Grossmith

The blurb at the back of the copy I have is correct in saying that the novel is a "source of delight" and George Grossmith was probably "unaware that he had produced a masterpiece". A very easy read of 168 pages, The Diary of a Nobody makes me smile every time I pick it up and flip through a page at a time.


The book is essentially as the title suggests, the entries of a diary belonging to a man called Charlie Pooter; no one famous, special, especially unique or different. If anything, he is what I imagine mediocrity and 'normality' to be. Pooter made me laugh with his silly puns and statements but what is great about the novel is just how relatable it all is; the settings, the characters, the events and the emotions. 


I could be artsy-fartsy and analyse the themes and the book being a microcosm of society's middle-class but that's perhaps a bit insane, so I'm going to be normal, and say I liked the book.


It being a Wordsworth copy also made me happy because it looked nice. 


Do I recommend it? Yes
Would I read it again? Probably
Out of Five? Four

Late Nights

Two great girls just left after chatting/checkingoutYouTubevideos/ravingaboutcrazythings for about 3-4 hours.


Thank you God for great friends. 


“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” - C.S. Lewis